Mentally Hungry

Hello,
Today has been such a slow and painful day! After a year of thinking about the weight loss surgery, I had the gastric sleeve done on August 14, 2013. Why? Many reasons lead me to this decision but I will give you my most important reasons. First, I am only 23 years old and weighed 328 pounds being overweight just caused me to be sad, low-self-esteem, angry, no energy and my health was suffering. Going shopping was a nightmare; I would try 50 things and end up only fitting into 3. Second, my children need someone who can keep up with them, be able to run around and play with them. Being overweight didn't allow me to be as active as I could if I was fit. I wanted to go to the park with them so many times but just seen the park would mentally drain me. Not to mention going to a restaurant and not being able to fit in any booth. It just drew the line!

Me before the surgery

When I was in the process of getting approved for the surgery, the people closest to me would literally say that I was taking the easy way out. At first, I agreed but then I realized that they were wrong. How can going through surgery (with the risk factors) be easy, surgery was a last resort (at least to me). I have been overweight since I was a child, I remember my grandpa taking me to JC Penny and buying me clothes from the older women department. I would never say no but being so young it effected me in many ways. Growing up my family would always think I was overweight just because I wasn't as thin as them. It got to a point where I would make fun of myself before someone else did just so it could be less embarrassing. Every year I would make the same New Year’s resolution and that would be to lose weight. But every year my weight would increase and doing a diet would not help.  When I had my first son Jacob in 2012, I started thinking about the surgery and was going to do it by the end of the year but I got pregnant with Jeremy. During the pregnancy I realized that the surgery had to be done, my weight was above 300 pounds and depression came over me.

Scars from the surgery

When I was finally approved for the surgery, I had to do a two week liquid diet in order for my liver to be less fatty. It was horrible!!!!!! I wanted to eat the TV with the tasty commercials and kick the people who ate food around me in their behinds. But I made it! My surgery went great, all I have is pain. But now I am going through something I was not expecting…… I am not hungry, my brain is! Let me explain, my doctor cut out 90% of my stomach so being hungry is not an issue but all I keep thinking about is eating a steak. I see the commercials and I wonder how great it would be to eat that. I even think about the times I ate amazing foods. It’s literally draining me thinking about food. Apparently, it’s normal and it happens to other patients that had the surgery.

I am excited to see myself one year from now and I know that I have to workout in order for the extra skin to be less (Do you think that I am taking the easy way out? I am going to have extra skin :/).  But I know that I can do it!! If you start following my blog, you will be able to keep up with the changes.

Thanks for reading !!