My dragging day

Hello,

My Son Jacob

Today was a dragging day! Since the surgery my mom has been keeping my babies because my doctor told me not to carry anything that weight more than 5 pounds. I knew this journey would be hard but I thought that it would be hard only for me. I know my kids are in the safest most lovable place they can be in but it has me so depress not having them around me. My mom has been my rock since the beginning and I can’t thank her enough. Chad is currently working in North Carolina in a Marine Base and has been gone since July. But he did come twice to see us and was here for my surgery (he got to stay almost a week). As I write this in my bed all I can feel is loneliness because my fiancé or babies aren't here. I want to bring the babies home soooo bad but the medication I am on, makes me fall asleep like a rock and with children I need to be in alert mode. So I just go to my mom’s house and stay there with them. Today, I took Jacob (my 1 yr old) his little pool to play but after blowing it up with my own lungs he did not like it at all. (I think the water was too cold) But it was fun once his cousins and my brother and sister joined him.

How do I feel? Well I am happy that I am losing weight but I feel weak and moody when I am around food. As I fed Jacob some spaghetti I wanted to take a bite. Like I said before this is not hunger it’s my brain. My brain is used to eating fast food, candy and my Frappe Mocha.  I call it “mentally hungry”! I even stopped watching cable TV because 95% of the commercials are about food. My weakness comes from dehydration, ever since the surgery drinking liquids makes my chest hurt (even if I take little sips). I can’t sleep because I get leg cramps (those that hurt), so when I feel like one is about to happen I literally jump up from bed and it goes away but it’s impossible to fall back asleep. (Leg cramps are also cause by dehydration!) I have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday but I will try to see them Monday because I know my body, my mouth is dry and my body is  officially asking for water. I am supposed to go back to work on Wednesday but I don’t feel ready! I am hoping my doctor will give me a few more days.

Thanks for reading! 

Losing weight and my friend!

Hello Readers,

In June

Every Morning I weight myself to see the progress…. And today I weight 295! WOW that’s 33 pounds lighter. You can even see the difference in my face. Why am I losing so fast? Well right now I have been doing a liquid diet (until my doctor gives the OK for softs diet) that is the reason why I am losing so quickly. I believe that once I start eating (of course small meals) my weight loss will slow down…

Now

To another subject!!


I have a friend that I love very much and I seem to make her upset with a comment I made (not about her). The thing is she changed and won’t even look at me or say a word. It has totally hurt my feeling because I believed that our friendship meant more to her and that we could always agree to disagree. (Which we had in the past) I don’t feel like saying sorry will help since it wasn't about her. Plus, during the argument she made it clear that she didn't have tell me everything and I understand somethings are just to be kept to yourself. But it hurts because I am an open book to her and I thought that she was like that with me too.  Anyways, I just wanted to write about it since it makes me feel better.

Have you ever been through that? What did you do? Any advice would be great!


Thank you

Mentally Hungry

Hello,
Today has been such a slow and painful day! After a year of thinking about the weight loss surgery, I had the gastric sleeve done on August 14, 2013. Why? Many reasons lead me to this decision but I will give you my most important reasons. First, I am only 23 years old and weighed 328 pounds being overweight just caused me to be sad, low-self-esteem, angry, no energy and my health was suffering. Going shopping was a nightmare; I would try 50 things and end up only fitting into 3. Second, my children need someone who can keep up with them, be able to run around and play with them. Being overweight didn't allow me to be as active as I could if I was fit. I wanted to go to the park with them so many times but just seen the park would mentally drain me. Not to mention going to a restaurant and not being able to fit in any booth. It just drew the line!

Me before the surgery

When I was in the process of getting approved for the surgery, the people closest to me would literally say that I was taking the easy way out. At first, I agreed but then I realized that they were wrong. How can going through surgery (with the risk factors) be easy, surgery was a last resort (at least to me). I have been overweight since I was a child, I remember my grandpa taking me to JC Penny and buying me clothes from the older women department. I would never say no but being so young it effected me in many ways. Growing up my family would always think I was overweight just because I wasn't as thin as them. It got to a point where I would make fun of myself before someone else did just so it could be less embarrassing. Every year I would make the same New Year’s resolution and that would be to lose weight. But every year my weight would increase and doing a diet would not help.  When I had my first son Jacob in 2012, I started thinking about the surgery and was going to do it by the end of the year but I got pregnant with Jeremy. During the pregnancy I realized that the surgery had to be done, my weight was above 300 pounds and depression came over me.

Scars from the surgery

When I was finally approved for the surgery, I had to do a two week liquid diet in order for my liver to be less fatty. It was horrible!!!!!! I wanted to eat the TV with the tasty commercials and kick the people who ate food around me in their behinds. But I made it! My surgery went great, all I have is pain. But now I am going through something I was not expecting…… I am not hungry, my brain is! Let me explain, my doctor cut out 90% of my stomach so being hungry is not an issue but all I keep thinking about is eating a steak. I see the commercials and I wonder how great it would be to eat that. I even think about the times I ate amazing foods. It’s literally draining me thinking about food. Apparently, it’s normal and it happens to other patients that had the surgery.

I am excited to see myself one year from now and I know that I have to workout in order for the extra skin to be less (Do you think that I am taking the easy way out? I am going to have extra skin :/).  But I know that I can do it!! If you start following my blog, you will be able to keep up with the changes.

Thanks for reading !!